Chris

Editor's Note: I was supposed to post this yesterday, but this monsoon caused a power (and Internet) outage. Carry on. 

Our backyard is too big for my dad to handle on his own.   Occasionally, he realizes this and recruits assistance.  The most recent assistant gardener has been Chris, which is my friend's older sister's fiancé.  I was out most of the time he was here, but I gathered enough information to know what happened.  Since I clearly have too much time on my hands, I sent his future mother-in-law the following review of his work. She thought it was funny, and sent it to her children.  And husband. And Chris.  I didn't find out about this until it got around to my mom, who got it around to me.  I was slightly embarrassed, but now since it's out in the open, I might as well share it with the world.


Dearest Winnie,

The boys have not stopped talking about Chris the whole day.  They are speaking of him as I write this email.  They will probably follow me into my bedroom with their constant chant of "Chris says" and ruin my sleep.

This is my overall assessment of the day:

1.  Chris has been hospitalized more than any other human being I know.  

2. He is quite the hard worker.  My dad was impressed. HOWEVER, if he does actually come back tomorrow, he'll earn like 1,000,000 Amir Points.  And have his eternal loyalty, which I have to say is something very convenient to have, because it lasts forever, even when it's undeserved. 

3.  Having spent the whole day with my brothers, I am convinced that Chris has more patience than Mother Teresa, St. Monica, and Ghandi combined. 

4.  According to Sofi, he is clearly good with kids.  So maybe he can do most of the parenting when he and Caroline have children. I think it's a good match. 

5.  My mom was like, "Omg, Chris is like my fifth son now."  AFTER 3 HOURS.   Way to scare the living daylights out of the poor boy...

I give him an A.

Best,

Maria Teresa

Love, Hearts, Romance and Heartbreak

All of those things sum up one day!

Drum roll please... Yes, Valentine's day. People buying there loved ones (or girlfriend) *Editor's note: Same thing?  Probably not...* chocolates and teddy bears.

Now, even though I happen to be making fun of it I really don't hate V-day.

Why?

Because I love St. Valentine! I think he was awesome!

But you can't argue with Marveloddities Hate Month! *Editor's Second Note: Smart girl.*

So here I go with my hate rant!

WHY I WANT THE NEW PRESIDENT OF DISNEY TO BURN IN HELL

Most people love Disney. I did too! But what they have done is just disgusting!

The role models they have chosen for us are sickening! First on the bat:

Miley Cyrus

Faults- She can't seem to keep her clothes on in front of cameras.

She is a terrible example to her little sister. She's racist and she can't act or sing.

She says Jesus and God as if He actually loves her and thinks she's a good person. *Editor's Third Note: I'm pretty sure he does love her. But if I were Jesus I would curl up in a ball and cry whenever she called herself a Christian.  Or zap her.  But that's why I'm not Jesus.  Carry on.*

Good Points- There are none.

Can We Cut Her Some Slack?- Yes, I think her parents should be more attentive of things.  And take away her camera and lock her up before she destroys the minds of anyone else. Oh, and no parent should let their 16 year old daughter date a 20 year old underwear model.  Much less let him live in the same house with them.

Next- Vanessa Ann Hudgens

Faults- Sending a nude picture of yourself to a guy and traumatizing the minds of all your fans.Then taking another one of yourself topless because the first incident embarrassed you!?!? For some reason I have the suspicion that she leaked the picture.....

Good- I don't know anything but feel free to comment.

Can We Cut Her Some Slack?- Yes, her mom probably didn't raise her right. When things like that happen you shouldn't tell your kids,"Well every one can be naked if they want to." You should react very differently, very, very, very differently.

Moving on to... Ashley Tissdale

Faults- Her song He Said She Said was not something kids should be hearing! No one should sing that it was so so so gross!

Good- I really don't care about her, so if she did something good it didn't make it to my ears.

Cole and Dylan Sprouse

I'm not going to say anything about these two.  I'm just going to diss their show. COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC! NO ONE CAN LEARN ANYTHING FROM THAT TRASH!! IT'S USELESS!!!

So I don't know what happened to all the other good shows they used to have, but Hanna Montana's launch was the turning point of Disney.

All I see now of Disney is them trying to squeeze every dollar out of their "actors" and making them "sing" because they just can't get enough money these days!

Word of advice Disney: get real actors who can actually act and find singers who can actually sing and find a better writer to write the script because everything that goes on in your shows is just a replay of someone lying to there mom or dad or being embarrassed about your friend or falling in love with a guy. People are getting sick of it.

Sophia